R.I.P Suzy subaru

This week has been a major bitch

Why oh Why did I have to crunch my car!!

and thats not the only very naughty thing I did this week

I told a very large fib to my parents

You see I told them I carshed because I was dodging a deer

but, In truth there was no deer

I was grabing my waterbottle off the floor

oops!

But I knew that if I tld them the rith I would not go over very well

however my karma is for the most part in the pooper so I am waiting for the cinderblock to drop on my head at any moment

Ciao

what's you wee-one telling you

So all of today all the toilets in my house have been making some interesting noises. It's like some kind of clunk-shake-clunk-thud sound. So being home alone and having the handyman knowledge level of about Paris hilton I decided to take care of my business outside. After the fact, something occured I could not remember the last time I wee-weed outside my house. very odd


So I was reading the great american publication "OK" weekly when I realized that there is something sick and wrong in this world when the cover story is all about the innerthoughts of a little tot. Plastered on the cover is little Shiloh Jolie-Pitt-Aniston yadda yadda and how she is prepairing both physically and ;oh this just slays me in the aisle, mentally for the arrival of the much "needed" new spawns of Brangilena. Jesus Christ people she is two flippin years old, she still is getting used to using the big people bathroom. But little child genius Shiloh is going through all the steps to make sure that she can handle the new little babes in the house. Putting aside her age and mental capicity I am very sure its very stressful to be living in a 60 million dollar French castle with parents who leave tips of about 900 at McDonalds.

And speaking of the parents who are all about saving the earth have you ever heard of the problem of "overpopulation", so Angelipsa tell that golden retriever you are breedin with to sleep on the damm couch sometimes.

The first friggin post

So here we go the first post of my first blog. In this blessed little place I shall tell you every sortied detail of my sexed up and liquor soaked life. so lets get it fuckin started........

You know there is a god when you eat carbs. and also a Satan. When I am old and blissfully fat I will soak my body in starched bleached refined white bread and it will be in fucking heaven. However, for the time being its just me and the good old devil going at each other with knives. Maybe I will just skip ahead to that part and tell you all about putting the weight back on

or just

talk about hot heavy sex

to come